The Moth
I had been having some emotional trouble of late. My thoughts were doing a not so merry go round about just one thing..... can we ever be happy..?? What i meant was that at one point when things go the way you want them to, you tell yourself that life is beautiful and that things just couldn’t be better. But once such bouts of 'thank you god for everything' get over, you suddenly wake up to a fact that things aren’t so cool after all. So I was basically majorly screwed up trying to untangle this thing called happiness. I must've thought out loud over it in the car when my father, who was driving it smiled and opined ' Happiness is an Illusion'....
Ahem...well...ummm....what could I say!! I found him to be so true....I was consumed by this overwhelming sense of helplessness as if I was a puppet in the hands of call it whatever...god, nature, destiny.....whatever!!! I was made to believe something and then the panoramic view from my window led my eye to one small detail that I was missing out on and it, right in front of wide exclaiming eyes acquired a mammoth form that devoured all the beauty from the viewfinder.
Another person very close to me names it the 'equating' thing...which even I do believe in. every time I tumble on the floor in a fit of laughter I wipe my tears and tell myself 'Stop! Or you'd have to shed the same tears for sorrow'. Yes I believe just like him that everything equates in this world but you also cant stop being happy if you're getting the reasons to. The good hidden in bad and vice versa is obviously to do with individual perception. I am certainly not trying to get all philosophical here but right now my state of mind says 'What the heck'!!!!!!!
So now that I have sorted it all out and am feeling lighter, I am relating to that heavy feeling what it does to me as long as it puts the pressure on my heart. i read ' God of small things' two years ago but one thing that has stayed with me is the Moth. I describe emotional pain or the heavy heart feeling to the Moth. Every time some event in my environment causes me to feel really low, the Moth appears out of nowhere and plonks itself inside the left side of my chest. It just stays and stays and goes on pressing harder with its frail legs until something happens to make it fly off its newly acquired territory. It also comes when i am missing someone terribly...the same dull, soft moth...there… it places itself on my heart…
I always tell myself that it would keep coming...as it does. Every now and then....out of the blue...doesn’t have a taste for reason, anything will do....but the truth is..it hammers slowly on my heart and tells me to not take the happiness's butterfly for granted as she might be ...as my father said....just an illusion.
Ahem...well...ummm....what could I say!! I found him to be so true....I was consumed by this overwhelming sense of helplessness as if I was a puppet in the hands of call it whatever...god, nature, destiny.....whatever!!! I was made to believe something and then the panoramic view from my window led my eye to one small detail that I was missing out on and it, right in front of wide exclaiming eyes acquired a mammoth form that devoured all the beauty from the viewfinder.
Another person very close to me names it the 'equating' thing...which even I do believe in. every time I tumble on the floor in a fit of laughter I wipe my tears and tell myself 'Stop! Or you'd have to shed the same tears for sorrow'. Yes I believe just like him that everything equates in this world but you also cant stop being happy if you're getting the reasons to. The good hidden in bad and vice versa is obviously to do with individual perception. I am certainly not trying to get all philosophical here but right now my state of mind says 'What the heck'!!!!!!!
So now that I have sorted it all out and am feeling lighter, I am relating to that heavy feeling what it does to me as long as it puts the pressure on my heart. i read ' God of small things' two years ago but one thing that has stayed with me is the Moth. I describe emotional pain or the heavy heart feeling to the Moth. Every time some event in my environment causes me to feel really low, the Moth appears out of nowhere and plonks itself inside the left side of my chest. It just stays and stays and goes on pressing harder with its frail legs until something happens to make it fly off its newly acquired territory. It also comes when i am missing someone terribly...the same dull, soft moth...there… it places itself on my heart…
I always tell myself that it would keep coming...as it does. Every now and then....out of the blue...doesn’t have a taste for reason, anything will do....but the truth is..it hammers slowly on my heart and tells me to not take the happiness's butterfly for granted as she might be ...as my father said....just an illusion.
posted by wandereress at 8:06 AM
2 Comments:
Wow!
Exactly how I described pain two years back to someone. papachi's moth!!
I think it is the most accurate literary depiction of pain. The best..and I hope it lifts all its legs from your heart to fly away..
It's lifted its legs for the time being and i am trying to get over the cold weather which depresses me anyway. You are right that so far nothing else has come across as a better literary description of pain.
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